Tag Archives: dating

Public displays of affection… or publicity?

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Touching… one of the great senses, along with sight, sound, taste and smell. Who doesn’t like to be touched? I love it. And also enjoy to feel the flesh of others against mine. It’s not only a sensually intimate thing, it’s as simple as the warmth of a familiar hug always makes me feel good.

I like the endearing feeling I have when I see others holding hands, or hugging. The vision of people embracing at the airport arrival hall is one that I find so affective, and makes me warm inside, even though I’m witnessing total strangers share their love and happiness.

To watch an elderly couple holding hands makes me think of the long, loving relationship that they have shared, with enough romance and exclusive connection that they can lock hands whilst strolling, for the world to see. Rare is a love that displays this longevity, affection and solidarity.

Having said that, there are definitely limits to how much I’d like to witness of a couple’s physical intimacy.

I’ve had giddy love in my youth. One that would make me behave inappropriately in public. My hope was to be told to “get a room!”

So, when are displays of affection acceptable, and when are they publicity?

There are definitely times when you share a warm moment with your partner, and without even knowing it, you innocently reach over and stroke his face, or share a loving hug. Even a kiss.

But these simple, innocent, fleeting moments of affection are very different from the groping, tongue lashing, lap dancing displays that we occasion to see around us. Of course, mostly seen by couples who are loosened by alcohol or more. But there are also those couples who confuse affection with decorum.

Romance is between two people, no-one else. If you look closely at very loving couples, you will know that they are a couple, even if they are not standing together. That quality of bond and caring that they share is exclusive and vital. I know that the eye locking between me and my partner in a crowded room can make me go weak at the knees. That kind of intimacy and affection is more powerful than anything that I will share with others. No need to publicise.

Yes, I admit that if my partner strokes the small of my back whilst I’m talking with a friend, it sends electricity through me. Just as his breath on my neck when we’re queuing at an ice cream stand. But our restraint adds to our romance and heightens our intimacy.

If you absolutely must take your physical affection outside your romantic sanctuary, then follow the following guidelines by keeping away from children, away from restaurants, or where you may block another’s path, and above all, no straddling. Unless of course you’re under one of Paris’s famous Seine River bridges where anything goes, especially if you’re in little else than high heels and a trench coat. But that’s another topic altogether.

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The slow dance to your first date

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The dance for romance between men and women today is wrought with questions and doubt. In this, times have not changed at all.

It is different in that we have been pressured by technology. This is a shame.

Joel, a handsome and articulate, young gentleman of 25, I met recently, shared with me how he was saddened that romance is lost today. He explained that if he asked a woman out on a date, he normally did so with at least 4 or 5 days notice. He thought that during the lead up to the date, he and his date would have giddy expectations, and build up, without much, if any, communication till the actual date. That “distance” and time would actually enhance the desire and romance, and start the date with a wonderful innocence and hope. Sadly, the reality is, that each day prior to the date she or he would send each other text messages stating what they were doing, and how they felt – potentially dozens of texts per day. It left nothing to the imagination or anticipation… and by the time the date occurred there was not as much excitement and giddiness as he wished. For Joel, the romance was already dissipating.

It’s true that with technology we have eliminated all the gaps that patience and time had offered us. We have no more patience, and we all seem quite unravelled if we send out a text message, and do not get a response within the hour, if not immediately.

So what is the acceptable protocol with texting and dating?

Be patient. Yes, it’s worth it.

Asking someone out takes courage, whether you’re handsome, confident, smart, or shy, all people need courage to ask someone out. Rejection is always an option, and everyone hates that.

So, if you agree to go on a date with someone, have confidence that this person has thought it through enough to want to see you. There is absolutely no need to validate his or her invitation by constantly communicating with him or her until that date. It’s a wonderful, albeit sometimes scary notion to wait for that day to come. But it’s also a time when you can prepare yourself too. For girls, we can plan to get a manicure, pedicure or a hair styling. Maybe even buy a new dress. For the guys, get a haircut or ┬áhit the gym and build those pecks that make you feel more manly!

Making contact prior to the date to make sure you’re both still available to go out is acceptable. But communicating too much leading up to the date will also leave less to talk about when you meet up.

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